Trident and Sian Jones

It started with a helpless musician being drenched in the contents of a can of coke. It has now become a matter of national concern since the young woman who started the controversy took matters a step further. It seems that Sian Jones, a young woman from Birmingham, somehow got hold of Trident. How this occurred, we do not know, but the government released this statement yesterday through the Justice Secretary:

“Sian Jones has taken trident. This is a bad thing for Britain. A bad thing; and Her Majesty’s Government take a dim view of thievery on the scale of Guy Fawkes. Whilst Her Majesty’s Government cannot have this young woman publicly hung, drawn and quartered, we do assure the general public, who, unlike this mad fiend, actually have a grain of sense in their heads, that the Trident is now safe. Where it is at this moment in time, we do not actually know.”

Sian Jones has shocked neighbours and friends, who describe her as “mentally stable and friendly” by taking Trident on board a Boeing 777 for the purposes of setting it off whilst in the air, pinpointing the house of the young man who so outraged her by declaring Dr Pepper a better choice than Coke. This has shocked the world, with avid TV viewers dubbing it “The crime of the week”. The young man who was the prospective victim of this most recent attack is appearing on a special edition of Crime Watch tonight where he will attempt to explain this bizarre turn of events.

Meanwhile, Sian Jones has been banned from going anywhere near any shop which she would reasonably know sells either Coke or Dr Pepper. Her sobbing pleas were ignored by the stone-hearted judge. She has also been banned from travelling any other way than walking. She has now become a recluse, restricts her walks to her back garden and has her meals delivered through a postal service.